I’m not panicking, you’re panicking!

So my anxiety has been escalating as each day passes. My engagement party is on Sunday, which will be the first real time my family and my fiance’s family will be together for any period of time. So the thought of all that is very stressful (I don’t have the greatest relationship with my family, so spending time with them in any manner is stressful, and when they’ll be invading in my personal safe space… well it’s kind of a mental bomb right now)

So this has lead to a lot of executive dysfunction for me. I haven’t been able to get any sewing projects finished. And as for knitting, I’ve been picking up and putting down every project I have on the needles and doings a few rows, putting it down, picking up a different project, knitting a few rows, repeat.


Though I am nearly finished with my “skimmer socks” they’re socks designed to be worn with flats or ballet flats. I just thought they’d be fun to have in my sock drawer. I’m not following any specific pattern, I’ve been looking at quite a few and just picking up little bits from each and incorporating it into my pair, but for the most part I’m following my own sock recipe and doing things as I think they should be done. I’m looking to create a pattern for these and possibly use it to sell some finished ones in the shop. I’ll probably use a sport weight yarn for any that I sell, just so that I can get them finished a lot faster than the light fingering weight yarn that I’m currently using for this prototype pair.
So yes, I’m on the ribbing on those and should be finished with them in the next day or two, with the way things are going. I’ve made a little progress on the two hats I’m working on (the Brioche Cable Hat and the Tied Knots Hat).


I’ve gotten a decent amount worked up on my Afetos Shawl. I’m working one of the garter sections right now in a variegated Linen/Tencel yarn I picked up from a local shop while in California in June, the lace sections I’ve been using the same base of yarn but it’s a light teal color that complements the variegated yarn but isn’t the same color as any of the ones in the variegated. They’re all a light mid-tone color in various shades of blue and grey, so the light tealish blue matches well while also being different enough to make the lace pop just a bit more.

The Color Me Kale Cowl that I’m working on for my Fiance’s Sister’s Husband is chugging along slow and steady. It’s going pretty slow because it’s pretty much entirely purling, and I’m not a fan of purling. The pattern design is worth it though, it looks great and isn’t too feminine or too bold, but just a nice texture that also squishes up the yarn a bit which will be nice when wearing as it’ll be a bit warmer. I’m hoping by the end of this cowl, I’ll be better and quicker at purling, and maybe I’ll find a way to do the motion without it hurting my hand.

And I really want to cast on another sweater for myself, this time in some DK weight yarn I have but I want to get at least another project off the needles before I start another one.

As for Sunday, I have everything planned out in my little planner of what I’m cooking/baking/prepping on what days. SO I just need to take a lot of deep breathes, and maybe a xanax or two, and just do it. I’ll be preparing the full menu, minus the meat dish. So my menu will look a little like this:

Arugula fruit and berry salad with sunflower seeds and homemade blueberry balsamic dressing
Blanched Green Beans
Oven Roasted Potatoes
Warm Chickpea and Artichoke Salad with Italian Seasonings
Gluten Free Vegan Baked Ziti
(Apricot Chicken)

Gluten Free/Vegan Chocolate cookies
Gluten Free/Vegan Chocolate chip Cookies
3 Variations of Homemade Vegan Ice Cream (to make ice cream sandwiches with the cookies or as a dessert itself)
Coconut Whipped Cream (for a topping and/or for whoopie pies with the cookies)
Gluten Free Chocolate chip Cookie Crust Vegan Cheesecake Bites
Gluten Free/Vegan Chocolate Cupcakes with homemade buttercream frosting

So I have my work cut out for me since all of this, minus the chicken, will be made by me. So Friday will be making the cheesecakes, cupcakes, and the buttercream (though the cupcakes won’t be frosting until Sunday). Saturday will be prepping the sauce for the ziti, prepping the chickpea/artichoke salad, prepping the salad and the dressing, and baking/making all the desserts. Sunday Morning will be spent getting ready and prepping and baking the ziti, prepping and cooking the potatoes, blanching the green beans, cooking the chickpea/artichoke salad, and the fiance’s mom will be making the chicken in the crockpot and frosting the cupcakes with my future sister in law decorates the house.

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August Roundup and Overview

August has been very up and down. My sew-jo was either nonexistent or flowing pretty freely for short bursts.

First up: Sewing for the shop:

I had a handful of orders for the shop this month. A cute silky cream and grey bra with white power mesh. A high waist pantie and bra set in black power mesh and blue floral fabric with picot elastic. A blue sequined mermaid bra with a white base. A red velvet bodysuit with underwire. Another of the black with blue floral high waist panties. I also finished a pair of panties with floral and black mesh for the shop to match the newer bra I listed out of the same purple and black floral with black lace and mesh.

I’m hoping I get a good amount of orders in September, because money and keeping busy is always nice.

Sewing: Capsule!

I managed to sew a whole 2, count ’em, TWO, items for my capsule this month. Both happened to be black, made from sweater knits (the same sweater knit to be exact), layering pieces, cardigans, and patterns from seamwork mag….  First up is the Oslo Cardigan, which is a loose fitting tunic length cardigan with a shawl collar and optional button closure (That I omitted for this one). And the second, and my most recent finish is the Wembley Cardigan. It’s an asymmetrical cropped cardigan. The back is shorter than the front pieces, which end in a diagonal point in the front, which looks really nice and is great for tying the front of the cardigan if you’d like something a little more figure hugging.

Knitting:

I managed to finish a hat and a SWEATER. My first real sweater, and it isn’t even for me. This sweater will be a Christmas present for my Fiance, it’s the Drangey Pullover by Stephen West. The hat is the Tied Knots Hat by Justyna Lorkowska knit out of Knit Picks Hawthorne Sport in the Aurora Borealis colorway. This hat pattern is so gorgeous, I will definitely be making another in the future. As for this one, I think it will be going into my Christmas gift pile, as it’s just not screaming “me”, you know?

So, I did manage to get a lot done, just not as much as I would have hoped. But given the depressive funk I’ve been trapped in for most of the month, I did a damn good job at powering through and making things anyway.

So Here’s to hoping for a great September Sew-Jo!

Sew-Jo has been a No-Go

I’ve seemed to slid into an unmotivated sewing state. My depression has snuck up on me lately and has zapped me of my motivation. On the plus side, I’ve been doing a lot of planning and prepping and a ton of mindless knitting.

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I’ve managed to complete my orders, only one more left to make for now. The first was a silky cream and grey floral print with sheer white mesh bra. The second was a lovely set of a bra and high waist underwear using a blue floral fabric with black mesh and picot elastic.

I picked up some cheap, $1 knit fabrics from a Walmart on my way home from a cardiologist appointment on friday. I figured if they had anything decent I’d pick some up to use as wearable muslin fabrics. I ended up with 14 yards of fabric! 2 yards of a mauve/blush tone jersey knit, 3 yd light grey jersey knit, 4 yards of green sweater knit, and 5 yards of black sweater knit. All are very lightweight and a bit sheer, but usable for wearable muslins for all the cardigans and things I’d like to make.

I washed all but the green sweater knit so far, but I’m hoping to get that in the wash tonight. And I printed out the Seamwork Oslo Cardigan pattern and managed to tape and cut that out. I’m working on cutting the oslo out of the black sweater knit today. I’m planning on printing the Seamwork Wembley cardigan out tonight or tomorrow.

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Otherwise I have a few plantain tees planned for the new jersey knits, a linden sweatshirt out of one of the sweater knits, an oslo from the sweater knit, a wembley from the sweater knit, a Lola Coat possibly lined with one of the sweater knits, a hemlock tee. Plus I’m going to try to squeeze out another 2 pairs of leggings from some athletic fabric I have in my stash plus some fun stretch fabric for a contrasting side panel.  A few more Linden sweatshirts are also in the plans.

Though I’m trying to think of any other knit patterns I wanted to try. I’m drawing a blank to anything other than maybe the tshirt from the Sew Over It City Break Capsule ebook. I can’t try any dress patterns due to the lightweight and sheerness of the fabric.

As for knitting, I’ve finished the Drangey Sweater for my Fiance! It looks gorgeous and I really really hope he likes it and actually wears it. He won’t get it until Christmas, but still. I’ve also been working on the socks for a friend and my Tied Knots cabled hat (which is almost finished). In fact, I’ve been doing so much knitting, I’ve hurt my arm from stressing the muscles out. So I need to dial it back with the knitting and such for now.

This weekend is pretty busy, tomorrow the Fiance has a very full day, but I’ll be home the whole day to get some things done. Saturday we will be going house hunting, so we’ll be out the whole day. Sunday is my Cousins 6th birthday party, I’m not very excited about going, but I haven’t seen my “Extended” family in over a year so I should go. I need to work on a gift tomorrow, I’m thinking of some simple slippers or something small and quick like that. However, I don’t know his shoe size, so I’ll just be guessing. He’s on the smaller size for his age, so if I pick the average shoe size for a 6 year old boy it should be fine. So overall, a pretty busy weekend.

I’ve been thinking about doing another me made month challenge this fall, to get a better feel for what I have and what I still need in my me made wardrobe. I know “Self Sewn September” is a thing, but I was thinking about doing October. Anyone else doing another me made wardrobe challenge?

#mmmay17 #22

Confession time: I didn’t get dressed until maybe 4:30pm today.

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I definitely enjoyed the freedom of not having to get dressed in anything other than a baggy tshirt today. So I took full advantage of that for most of the day before finally throwing on this dress. This is my mulberry/maroon Colette Wren Dress that I’ve worn already for me made may. It’s almost as comfy as just wearing a baggy tshirt, but not quite.

I finished 2 items for an order and packaged that up to ship it out. I also started work on another order and that one is about half done now. I did a little more knitting on my shawl. I had the cat who was being a big lazy butt today.

She woke me up from getting in the basement window (our bedroom is in the basement and she has to jump from our bed to the dresser to the window, and of course she wanted the window by my head). Then as soon as I was up and about, she decided to cry at me constantly and then when I didn’t pet her enough (I’m not cruel, I did pet her for a good while), she decided to jump into the middle of the bed and lay there near our pillows.

She’s not allowed on our bed, except to get in the window, we’ve had to put an old sweatshirt at the bottom corner of the bed because we couldn’t keep her off it, but today she didn’t want to stay in that spot. So I literally had to roll her onto the sweatshirt because she wouldn’t get up when I nudged her to move, so I just started rolling her. It was hilarious, but now our bed has quite a bit of cat hair on it… again… My allergies do not approve.

My anxiety was a bit better the first half of the day, but as usual, it escalated as the day went on. I also encountered something I didn’t really anticipate this week, due to being distracted with the current issues I was experiencing last week. I had a lot of urges today to relapse, having the house to myself for most of the day. I have a really major issue with “opportunity” relapses, where I can get away with it and not have anyone around to notice it. It happens every time and no matter how much I prepare and try to prevent it, I always fail.

So I had a lapse today. But that also shows just how degraded of a mental state I was in that I couldn’t even hold out 1 day of being by myself before I caved and lapsed. I’m not sure what this means for the rest of the week. I have plenty to do, but that doesn’t mean much for that part of my brain that wants to relapse. I’ve been having trouble the last few months with thoughts of relapse and very bad body image, but this was the first time I 100% gave into it. So I’m not really sure what to do now or where to go from here. But it’s not promising considering all the things that will be happening over the next month and a half, and how anxious I will be because of that. So, there’s that.

Anyway, what have you all been up to? Have you been doing anything different with the impending end of me made may? Have any more plans for progressing your me made wardrobe either now or once me made may is over?

MMMay17 Week 3 recap

This week was a little bit of a fail for me made may. Mainly because of my mental state. I did wear me made undies or bra everyday though. So that’s something I guess.

Today I grabbed for my woven hemlock tee, but I’m not a fan of the fit on me. It’s just a bit too tent like on me and I should have just finished the armhole seams with a zigzag stitch instead of doing a french seam, as the seam is a bit too bulky and sits oddly. So I took it off and swapped for my seafoam vneck plantain tee. I’m also wearing a me made bra today.

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Now for the recap:

Monday: only me made undies

Tuesday: Me made undies and bra with a periwinkle purple linden sweatshirt and rtw leggings.

Wednesday: Black and white polka dot sweetheart halter neck dress.

Thursday: me made bra. I attempted to wear a me made shirt (burda styles wrap front blouse in magenta chiffon), but wore it for a couple minutes tops and then switched to a rtw baggy tshirt and leggings.

Friday: Me made undies. rtw leggings and tshirt

Saturday: me made bra and undies and my marled blue sweater long sleeve plantain tee with rtw leggings

Sunday: me made bra, seafoam vneck plantain tee with rtw leggings and undies.

Overall, not terrible, especially given the circumstances. Hopefully this next week will be better. I’m thinking I’ll be wearing more dresses next week, but don’t take my word on it.

Things I’ve finished in the past week:

I finished 2 slave leia bras, 3 pairs of undies, and a nude mesh bra I’ll be finishing tonight (I just need to sew the clasps on and then sew the underwire in) So it was a pretty productive week for the shop.

I also finished my linden sweatshirt, moneta crop top, and woven hemlock sweatshirt. I also finished knitting the body of a sweater I’ve been working on (so not exactly a finished object, but it was a big deal and a big part of the project that’s not finished)

I have 2 more bras and a pair of undies to finish for the shop this week, and I have a new thong design I’d like to finish and add to the shop this week as well.

Sewing plans:

Cutting out another linden sweatshirt, cutting out some shorty peg leg leggings (testing some adjustments to the pattern), taping together the Mia Jeans pdf from the sew over it city break capsule ebook (and washing some fabric for it), work on knitting my souvenir socks and shawl that I started.

All in all I’ll be keeping myself busy over the next week. What are your sewing and knitting plans for the next week?

#mmmay17 Day 20 in which I left the house *gasp*

Yes, you read that correctly, I actually left the house today. And I only changed outfits once before I finally went out. I was going to wear another sweetheart halter dress I had made, but it was surprisingly cool out today, so I went with rtw leggings, me made undies, me made bra, and my marled blue sweater knit plantain tee.

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I was exhausted from after going out to joann’s, there were a lot of people there. I picked up the things I needed and a few other things I wanted, a total of 3 yards of fabric, so not much. 2 things for orders and 2 things for myself. I was supposed to head over to the tattoo parlor after Joann’s but I was wiped out and I could tell the boyfriend was as well, he was up at 5:30AM to catch a train to New York to fix things for work, so he didn’t get much sleep and was tired from the travel and dealing with the frustration of fixing things at work. So I decided to skip the tattoo place (I was just going to make the appointment, because my anxiety is weird and I had to do it in person because phone calls are the devil or something). We just got back and I’m drinking my tea and the boyfriend is already passed out on the couch, so I think I made a good call.

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I’ll be spending today cutting and prepping things for orders and maybe some knitting and hopefully get some reading time in. I should probably do a little meal prep as well. I picked up some ponte roma fabric in charcoal and navy blue. I’m planning to print out the Mia Jeans pattern from the City Break Capsule Wardrobe by Sew Over It. I bought this e-pattern book pretty much as soon as it launched. I loved all the patterns in it, though I probably will never make the skirt just because that style doesn’t fit my body type at all. But other than that I love it. They are stretchy skinny jeans that are a mid rise. So I wanted to take that pattern and test the fit and sizing out in a pair or two of shorts. Once I get the sizing right I’ll most likely make a full length pant too. I’m excited for it and hopefully the pattern doesn’t need too much adjusting for me. I’m assuming I’ll be grading up the hips and maybe a full seat adjustment. But I’m just going to do the grading up, as that’s pretty standard for me with all patterns, and if I need some extra booty room I’ll do the FSA for the second pair.

We might go over to the tattoo place tomorrow afternoon, but I guess it all depends on how we feel. I’m still not feeling myself, but I’m hoping this next week will be a nice recharge for me.

Day 19, mostly an update and some finished things

I don’t have any outfit pictures for you today either. I am wearing me made undies, but that’s the only me made I’m wearing. I went to my oversized tshirt and leggings that is my standard go to for bad physical and/or mental health days.

My mental health is still on the fringe. I had to stay home from an event (that I just learned about the other night because no one told me about it and I wouldn’t have known until this morning if I hadn’t talked to my boyfriend’s sister). But I’m glad I didn’t go because I would not have been able to hold it together around a bunch of people, even if I wasn’t interacting with any of them.

I ended up finishing a lot of sewing work the past couple days and I am very proud of that. I finished a bra and 3 different pairs of underwear and I finished the moneta crop top I had started last week (though I don’t have pictures of that yet)

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The cat has been anxious since coming back from out trip as well. She has been a huge cuddle bug and very needy for attention, which is adorable, but not so much when you are very allergic to cats. Yesterday night she climbed onto our bed and I was willing to let her stay on the bottom corner of the bed, as long as she stayed on the cloth that I laid down for her (so she doesn’t get too much cat hair on the bed), but that wasn’t good enough for her last night. She kept crawling up the side of the bed and rubbing her face on my shoulder and we’d shoo her back to her corner. Eventually she just jumped on top of my boyfriend and refused to move, he tried picking her up and moving her but she kept coming back, so we finally let her stay for a while until she eventually moved to the end of the bed where she stayed the rest of the night. She never sleeps with us and has only tried once or twice before when the boyfriend’s parents were away for a week, but that was quite a while ago.

She’s been hanging around me a lot, and I don’t know if she can sense that I’m not doing well, or if she just knows she can count on me being here most of the time because I hardly leave the house. Either way, I don’t mind her company and her need for attention, it makes me smile and laugh at her ridiculousness.

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So I’ve been doing a lot of tea drinking, chocolate eating, and sewing and some knitting. Plans for this weekend have changed as well, the boyfriend has to go into New York tomorrow for some work things, which was very unexpected. But, in a way, I’m kind of glad, it means I will have some more time to myself to try to relax. I still have to go out tomorrow, but that all depends on when he gets back from working. I need to stop by the local fabric store for some orders I have for the shop. I was also going to stop by the tattoo parlor and set up an appointment for my next tattoo that I wanted to get done soon, but we might push that back for another day. We were also going to drive around the area that we’re looking to buy a house over the next year or so. But we definitely won’t have time for that tomorrow, so that will have to be pushed back to next week.

The boyfriend’s parents will be leaving for about a week as of Sunday. His dad has a business trip which his mom will be joining him on the trip so they can stay after the meetings/conference is over and have their own little vacation. So hopefully the lack of people to interact with over the next week will help my mental health heal a little bit. As I really can’t take much, if any social interaction right now.

Knowing that I was expected to go out today and having both parents home all day really made it difficult for me this morning. I woke up at 9am thanks to a nightmare and didn’t leave the bed until after 12. It’s been very hard to push myself to get moving, I just feel so sluggish lately. I’ve been going on the stationary bike we have to get my “steps” in on my fitbit (because if I start falling behind on my steps, it’ll be very hard to build back up and it’ll make my pain worse) So I’ve been knitting while going slow and steady on the bike. Knitting as exercise, every knitters dream right? I just put my fitbit on my ankle and go while I sit back, peddle and knit for 15-30 minutes. It’s a great way to fit in both knitting and exercise at least.

But hopefully I have more to show you this weekend, as I should be wearing me made tomorrow and maybe sunday since I need to actually get dressed to leave the house.

I hope everyone’s week has been going well.